| Location | Tunbridge Wells |
| Age | 39 years |
| Date of Birth | 10/1967 |
| Date of Death | 12/2006 |
| Visitors | 7,337 since 20/01/2007 |
| Creator |
"Some are bound to die young. By dying young a person stays young in people's memory. If
he burns brightly before he dies, his brightness shines for all time" -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn
OBITUARY
Gareth was the Best Man.
When his friends and family think of him they think of him laughing (often until he had tears in his
eyes!) and they think of how they laughed when they were with him. He was loved by many, as shown by
the fact that four of his friends asked him to be the Best Man at their weddings (On one of these
occasions he performed the job in both English and Italian).
The depth and breadth of Gareth’s interests are reflected in the smorgasbord of books on his
bookshelves: Tin Tin rubs shoulders with Jamie Oliver, “How to tie Knots? is wedged between a
trilogy that chronicles the Byzantine Empire and a 1927 volume of Thomas Hardy. He would definitely
be the friend to phone if you were stuck on the last question in “Who wants to be a Millionaire?,
or if you were struggling to finish the crossword.
His tastes were similarly eclectic when it came to popular culture: being a dedicated Radio Four
listener he could reel off the entire Shipping Forecast and dish the latest dirt on the Archers, but
could with equal ease reel of the footie match results of the day (especially QPR) or name each of
the Atomic Kittens.
Gareth loved foreign travel and had many adventures in Nepal, India, Africa (where many of his
relatives live) and was a frequent visitor to Europe, Barbados and the USA.
He was born in Weston-Super-Mare, within sight of Wales, where his mother and father were born, and
always considered himself Welsh, especially when there was a rugby match on.
His father remembers that, as a little boy, Gareth said the only woman he wanted to marry was his
mother and take her to the shops in a Jaguar. He was to realise at least one of these ambitions.
His family moved from Somerset to Nottingham when he was 7 months old and then to Tunbridge Wells
where he attended St Mark’s School. Along with other primary school children he was a familiar
figure walking from home to school in his brown uniform. On rainy days he always put his school cap
in his pocket in case it shrunk. On music days he carried a little violin which always looked
endearing. He managed to convince his teacher that he was seriously involved in practice, although
his parents did not share that view.
Gareth moved with his family to Tunbridge Wells as a young boy where he attended St Mark’s School.
While at Skinners School he was a conscientious student, keen cross country runner and even found
time to start up a radio show while still making it to the Pantiles for a pint to entertain the
ladies on a Friday night.
Getting back to his Welsh roots G accepted a place at University College of Wales, Aberystwyth where
he read History and International Politics (Joint Honours) and discovered “West Coast? living…
He often likened the experience to life in “similar? West Coast havens like Biarritz and San
Francisco.
In 1990 he earned his Masters in Foreign Relations of the People’s Republic of China from the
University of London, School of Oriental & Africa Studies, writing his thesis on the development
of the Chinese People’s Liberation Army regional and strategic stance, 1979 – 1986.
After moving to London Gareth’s first real job was at the Inland Revenue where he, “effortlessly
entertained his peers during the less than white hot excitement of the Inland Revenue’s Inspector
Training Course.? But as one colleague put it “he had far too much get up and go in him to stay in
the civil service, and so he duly got up and went. Both then and now, he left us wanting more.?
Gareth left the Revenue as a Senior Inspector of Taxes and worked at Ernst & Young as a senior
manager, including a year stint as a UK tax desk specialist in New York. “Uniquely among the more
than one hundred secondees over here?, writes a pal from those days “he is warmly remembered by
his US colleagues as one of the best tax practitioners.?
He was a nine year member of the Chartered Institute of Taxation.
In 2001 he was seconded to Hong Kong and as the long hours and longer commute took its toll he got
in touch with a girl whom he had noticed years before when she was across the road from Skinner’s
School at the Tunbridge Wells Girls’ Grammar. They had not seen one another for more than 16 years
as she had been living in the United States, but after finding out from the website ‘Friends
Reunited’ that she had returned to the UK he found an excuse to email her and she could not resist
his charms. His trips to Hong Kong came to an end.
In 2001 he started at the Ford Motor Company based in Brentwood, Essex where he immediately took
advantage of the Manager Car program and ordered his first Jaguar (part of the Ford family of cars).
In his European role he made frequent trips to the company offices in Madrid and Frankfurt where he
was greatly respected by his colleagues. According to his boss, “He carried everyone with him. He
was marked out as having a great future and the office will be a far less happy and effective place
without him.? He was recently recognised for his talents and promoted to Ford of Europe, Tax
Director.
In July 2005, Gareth married Tory Douglass at Rotherfield Church in East Sussex. As Gareth had
proposed in Rome, they travelled to Italy again for their honeymoon, this time to Positano and Capri
where they shared their love of eating (the best Caprese salads) and drinking (mostly Montepulciano
D’Ambruzzo because Gareth took pleasure in saying it aloud in a very authentic Italian accent!).
In March last year they left the house in Lewisham that had been shared by so many of his friends
during his bachelor days and moved back to Tunbridge Wells to embark on family life as they were
expecting their first child. On May 16th 2006 James Angus Kingdon - “Baby Gus? was born at Pembury
hospital, with Gareth’s big blue eyes and lovely long lashes! Like his father he has always been
full of smiles and able to fill a room with laughter.
In his brief 39 years with us Gareth did not write his historical novel (although his excited
scribbled notes for it are copious and promise that it would have been a page-turner). He did not
make it onto the Senior Pro Golf Tour, nor did he qualify as a Yacht Master. He didn’t cook
Christmas dinner (with perfect Brussel sprouts) on the new Aga, nor travel to Brazil. He will not
watch his son Gus grow up, handicraft him a tree house, or teach him how to swing a golf club. He
will not dance the funky chicken on his 75th wedding anniversary. These were the dreams he had yet
to realise.
But, as one of Gareth’s university friends wrote: He was “a man who loved and was loved; a man
who played hard and enjoyed himself in the company of his friends and family; a man who was taken
from us far too early when we had so many more things to do together; a man who was always there for
us all and a man who could smile that cheeky smile and you knew things would be OK. I have never
known anybody who could attract people to him and extract a loyalty from them that was there for
everyone to see."
Tragically, Gareth spent his first and only Father’s Day in hospital where he received the news
that he had cancer. He faced the following months of intensive chemotherapy bravely (he hated
needles), with determination, optimism and always with humour. He was obedient to his doctors and
cheerful with his nurses. He finished his course of chemotherapy and was considered cancer-free by
his oncologists, however one of the chemotherapy drugs caused severe and irreparable damage to his
lungs and after a month in intensive care he lost his battle to breathe.
Gareth is survived by his wife Tory and son Gus, parents, Mary and Barrie, sister, Nicola Jane and
brother, Daniel and his cat Emma TT (Tiny Tiger).
He was the best.
Gifts can be made online in Gareth’s memory to the Royal Marsden Cancer Hospital
www.justgiving.com/sponsorfi, to Mind, the mental health charity www.justgiving.com/forgareth, or to
the Royal London Society for the Blind www.justgiving.com/4gareth
Gareth Kingdon was born on October 20, 1967. He died on December 29, 2006, aged 39.
There are more photographs on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/17011411@N00
and YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=GarethKingdon
NOTE THIS WEBSITE HAS AUTOMATICALLY PLACED SPACES IN THE WEB ADDRESSES ON THIS PAGE, SO BY ALL MEANS
COPY THE LINKS INTO YOUR WEB BROWSER ADDRESS WINDOW, BUT THEN REMOVE THE SPACES BEFORE TRYING TO
LOAD THE PAGE!
Having a quiet moment
GK - I am just having a quiet moment, in my office, on Christmas Eve, some nice chill out music on the PC, might slip out and have a quick pint with my son later on this evening, got thinking about life and you drifted into my mind. I can't believe a year's gone by already.
Keep the coffee hot up there buddy, I catch up with you sometime. Keep an eye on Tori and Gus through life as well.
Dr. F
Possible Relation
Whilst trying to find relations on various websites I happened across Gareth. I will never know if we are related but think we were. I can only offer my sincere and honest condolences to his wife and child. I have read (and watched) the memorium to Gareth and his life appears to have been truly amazing. It is apparent how wonderful he was by the love and devotion from those left behind. With the deepest of sympathies.
GARETH MY FRIEND
GARETH WAS SOMEONE WHO I THINK ABOUT EVERY DAY STILL AND CANT QUITE BELIEVE HE HAS GONE. WE REMAINED REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS EVEN AFTER I BUGGERED OFF AND LEFT HIM WITH A NEW SECRETARY IN E&Y AS HE PUT IT. I TOOK HIM TO THE ATLANTIC BAR FOR HIS 30TH BIRTHDAY WHICH SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY. HE WAS SO LUCKY TO MEET TORY, SHE IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND GUS IS JUST GORGEOUS. I WISH THEM ALL WELL. G YOU ARE MISSED.X
GK - a great work colleague
GK it's Doctor F here. Life's a real bitch a times, I never had the time to say farewell or buy you that one last Costa's coffee - I think it was your turn anyway. You were a good bloke and it was great fun sharing the next office to yours. We had a few good laughs, do you remember the day trip to France and lunch at Susie W's. And of course the time you made your trip to darkest Essex bringing home my chair. You were such a good guy and those are very hard to find these days.
We will meet again some time, big man, at that great celestial Costa's in the sky and you better have my cappuccino ready. Until then love to Torry and Gus.
Dr F
The Gareth I know (as read at the service celebrating his life
I can't remember when I first met Gareth, it was so long ago. Perhaps 14 years old... at school here in Tunbridge Wells. Our birthdays are separated by a month, and we lived much of our lives within a few hundred metres of each other.
As you can imagine I have thousands of memories of Gareth, many of my early memories had, until recently faded, but are very simple:
- Walking home from school & just being teenagers. - - - Even then he was great company.
- Lounging around, chatting & laughing in my Dad's garden
- Perhaps hundreds of nights in the pubs of Tunbridge Wells - Fighting the girls off (from him, of course, not me)
- Rescuing our motorbikes from a hedge after our first attempts at pulling wheelies failed miserably.
- I enjoyed many a lunch at chez Kingdon and remember the line that always formed at the sink after the meal. I usually got the job of washing so that Gareth's quality control could take place after my poor attempts at washing up. He even took that seriously....... Then off ''out to play'' as Gareth called it, even when he was in his late teens!
Since a young age, Gareth was cultured, witty and a charmer - but it sometimes backfired and got him into trouble. One evening, after too many beers in the Compasses pub here in Tunbridge Wells, Su Thomas and I sat either side of him on a window ledge. "Au Revoir, Les Enfants" he flirtatiously called out to some French girls leaving the pub . He had recently seen the French film, but thinking they had been insulted, their two less well educated English boyfriends decided to attack Gareth - but as good friends do we held him back foolishly thinking we were helping, but we just made him a sitting duck. His pretty face healed.
In the early 90s we helped out on a local Christmas Christian charity radio show: the Gareth and Steve Drive time show on Radio Cracker - Gareth would usually have to cover the 1st ten minutes as I rushed home from work. I assure you we were the funniest DJs..... but only off air..... none of our 5 listeners would have guessed that when the red light went on....... and two of them were Daniel and Mary Kingdon. We thought it highly amusing to cram in as many inappropriate lyrics as possible, until we were reminded that our other 3 listeners were probably aged 12 and from the church youth group.
When we were 24, after a year travelling, Gareth flew out to California to join me for the last leg of my adventure, and we camped together in Yosemite. I had just come from Vietnam, where I'd unfortunately caught scabies, though I didn't know it at the time. I remember Gareth endlessly teasing me for my constant itching and scratching - we laughed so much, we knocked beer over my sleeping bag. This made us laugh even more and we knocked another beer over his! The tent was wet, smelly and itchy that night. I had the last laugh though, when on my return to the UK , I found that he'd caught it off me too...... We felt this had pushed the concept of sharing a little too far.
In many ways I felt that he was quite a private person with his innermost thoughts. In 97 Gareth was asked to choose a friend to partake in a magazine article for the Sunday Express on the topic of male friends. After posing for photos in a pub drinking a Guinness we were interviewed separately. In the version that hit the stands Gareth had included that he loved me amongst other surprises. We hoped the full page article would get lost , but that weekend was my 1st trip to visit my now wife's parents..... and guess what fell out of their daily telegraph that Sunday morning as if by magic. It was also waiting for me on my desk at work on the Monday. Only Gareth would say something to a national newspaper that he wouldn't say direct to a friend.
One of my happiest memories was when I was preparing to T off at local golf course - I was winning for perhaps the 1st time against Gareth - or anybody for that matter - when he asked my opinion on him marrying Tory - the cynic in me thought it was a feeble attempt to put me off my shot. Without a seconds hesitation, I said " do it, she's perfect for you, you met your match " - needless to say of course he did - and it worked, he won the golf too.
I think it was our sense of humour that bound us all these years. .. But my relationship with Gareth was probably different to the one he had with many other people through his life. We drifted in and out of each others lives, always keeping in touch though. When I got married, he couldn't therefore be my best man, an eternal friend yes, but he was now more like a brother.
Our lives seem to run in parallel: be it as flat mates, both working in Finance related careers, both recently made Directors in the professions that we did not choose from the start, and both drifted back out to live in Kent after our time in London, we both met our "dream ticket" partners and had babies, and even then with both wife's pregnant at the same time. But now that part of our journey together is over, but what great times we have had over the years.
I've seen Gareth grow up and evolve from a skinny teenager into the wise and special person we all grew to love. In some ways, over the years, I have known many different Gareth's. But who's my best Gareth? The Gareth who settled and met his match and wife in Tory. Indeed the Tory Gareth was my favourite, Gareth the father.
Yes, Gareth could, as all will testify, be very funny and charming - a true performer. After 25yrs I think I had heard most of the gags before. So to me he was more of a special companion through life, through whatever challenges life threw at us. Sharing life itself with him: Getting on the property ladder, discussing work challenges, football, politics and my favourite: giving him advice about marriage, birth and babies.
Gareth never planned to get into Tax. It was the job he managed to get at a very difficult time. But in true Gareth style he took the challenge by the horns and did it to the best of his ability - this is probably the greatest lesson that Gareth taught me personally and I suggest we can all learn from it. Whether it was hand making pasta, golf or tax, he just went for it, with humour and passion.
So I'll end with one of my favourite Gareth gags that could have also been his motto- "Carpe Diem" - "Fish of the day"
I never in a million years thought that one day I would have to stand up here like this, but I am immensely proud to do so.
I am sad that my two boys will never grow up to know uncle Gareth - the whole Mulley clan and I miss his cheeky ways and friendship.
But I have.... and always will...... reserve a special corner of my heart & soul for him.
Gareth
I actually interviewed Gareth for the job at Ernst & Young in April 1996. At that initial meeting I was immediately impressed by Gareth both as a professional and as a person, as was Lynne Gomer (from HR who conducted the interview with me) and we were all delighted when Gareth decided to join Ernst & Young. Gareth came across as a very bright, talented professional with a deep knowledge of his subject. He also came across as a most sincere person with a great sense of fun and enthusiasm for life, somebody determined to enjoy life to the full and who would do his best to ensure people around him did too. Soon after he started, everybody realised what a good recruitment Gareth was - great at his job and a great person to have around the place, usually with a smile on his face and in his eyes. The last time I saw Gareth was after my leaving do, when Gareth and Steve Foster put me in a taxi to ensure I got home after more than a few drinks. It was typical of Gareth to be with me until the end of the evening and then take care of me at the end of the evening. In summary, he was a really, really lovely guy and it was a priviledge to have known him.
My memories of Gareth (as read at the service celebrating his life)
I met Gareth in June 1996 when I joined Ernst & Young in London. Gareth had joined a short time before. We were both new to the firm, young, single, with some cash in our pockets, and we shared a love of travel, girls, Guinness, pub quiz machines, Guinness, Pepperami (the hot ones), and Guinness – our staple after work diet for several years. I don’t remember much of the work from those years other than that Gareth was very dedicated, very bright and very hardworking…but I clearly remember lots of good times, some travel to places near and far…and lots and lots of laughter.
I remember lots of silly, carefree things.
• Gareth attending a serious client meeting and then a few short hours later sitting in the pub with a pint in one hand and a spoon hanging from his nose… or a coaster attached to it saying: “Who threw that??
• Light sabre fights on 5th Avenue in New York. I found out later that he practiced his moves in the mirror.
• His bravery as a novice skier – not on the slopes, where he was a little timid, but with the Aussies he went skiing with and the après ski activities!
• Eating ice creams in winter when it was so cold they stuck to our tongues.
• His enjoyment of a nice glass of Montepulciano d’Abruzzo. Not so much for the taste of the wine but for the sheer joy he got out of butchering the name with his best Italian accent when he ordered it in a restaurant.
• Diving into ice water at the beach to impress Swedish girls whilst on holiday shortly after he finished his tax exams. We almost died of hypothermia but shortly afterwards Gareth was dating a Swedish girl.
• Climbing the highest kopje in the Matopos in Zimbabwe with Gareth’s mountain goat cousins and how they told him walking like a robot would help his vertigo on the way down. It didn’t but was hysterical to watch.
I also remember lots of other things about Gareth.
• How he would go out of his way to help his friends if ever they needed anything.
• How he managed to be a friend to my girlfriend and now wife at a time when she only spoke a few words of English. Language wasn’t a barrier.
• His strong, strong love for his family.
• How nervous he was for the two weeks before he proposed to Tory, with the diamond ring burning a hole in his camera case…and how he hugged me with happiness the day they got married.
• His pleasure when he met my daughter Sara for the first time and his excitement and joy at the birth of his son Gus.
Gareth was my friend, my best friend. My father once told me that most people who live a long life can count their friends on one hand, but need an adding machine to count their acquaintances. Looking around this room, and also knowing many of the people who couldn’t attend today, Gareth had his own rule. No-one was just an acquaintance to Gareth, nor just a workmate, nor just a friend. To be in Gareth’s life was to be someone special because he’d chosen you. And that’s how he made us feel…as if we were ALL his best friend. He cared about you…really cared… and also about the people important to you….and about what you were doing in your life.
We'll all remember Gareth for his sense of humour; as someone who lived his life to the full; as a devoted son and brother, a loving husband, an excited new father; as our best friend, but most of all we'll remember him as a decent and caring man who touched us all with his love and changed our lives for the better…and we’ll miss him.
My memories of Gareth (as read at the service celebrating his life)
I have a picture in my head of Gareth arriving in heaven and my dad greeting him by saying, “what the hell are YOU doing here?? He was fond of Gareth and very keen for Tor to marry him. He thought she’d be a fool to “let that one get away?. Luckily for all of us she didn’t.
We used to joke with Gareth that he got a two for one offer on wives, as I seemed to spend so much time with them during their first year of marriage.
G was very easy to be around and would always make you laugh. If I was in the kitchen chopping mushrooms he would walk in and say, in a serious tone “there’s not mush-room in here? then break into that wide cheeky smile.
As a friend of mine put it “his humour was that rare and wonderful combination of self deprecation and genuine delight that allows us all to laugh while hurting no one.?
I was lucky enough to be with G as he held Gus for the first time. Tor was still to come back from theatre so I feel privileged to have shared the first few moments of him becoming a Dad. We will try and tell Gus every day what an amazing guy his dad was and how much he loved him.
The following reading is one that G loved—and usually left him in tears. So I read it for Gus.
On Children by Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
My memories of Gareth (as read at the service celebrating his life)
I can’t count the number of times that I have heard the phrase “well that was Gareth,? or even “that was just like Gareth.? He had a number of qualities that we have all experienced individually and all recognise mutually.
Gareth was treasured to the people who knew him, and experiences and memories without him would not be the same. Many remember moments when Gareth’s attention was solely on them, and all state that at that time, he really made you feel special.
I would like to dwell on one of Gareth’s qualities. A quality I have probably always known he possessed, but feel that I have only just learnt. I have found it a very difficult attribute to sum up, but at a push I have come up with the word “thoughtful.
Firstly he was thoughtful about what had gone before.
I was shocked by what I found in Gareth’s loft at Bonfield Road. It seems that he kept most of what he had as a child, and there are references to every year of his life up there. There are actually toys that I can remember he handed down to me. He clearly took them back when I was not watching. This strong sense or connection with the past probably explains what made him want to study history, which he never stopped reading about.
Secondly he was constantly thoughtful about the present.
In his personal relationships with his colleagues, friends, parents, siblings and his own family he regularly put their needs ahead of his own often without letting on, and when his worlds interlaced in any way you could see him sat in the middle, playing conductor, watching his pre conceived strategies working as planned, often mingling from group to group stimulating conversation.
An example of this which is clear in my memory was the Christmas time when Gareth brought Kingdon’s together with Douglass’ at Madeira Park not long after Gareth and Tory’s engagement. It was nothing short of a fantastic time for all of us. However, it became apparent the next morning that Gareth’s approach for that evening had been based around the strategic use of profound quantities of Champagne. He had been playing the wine waiter, constantly topping up glasses, oiling the wheels of the evening. I can remember not being able to move my eyes the next day.
Finally, he considered the future.
Tragically this was ripped from his grasp. He spoke very enthusiastically about his plans for the future with Tory and Gus to everyone who would listen. I imagine he passed away with those dreams flowing though his mind.
As an older brother he was also very thoughtful. When I was a young boy Gareth took it upon himself to be involved in all of the key events in the traditional big brother style. In other words, he was there when it mattered.
For example he taught me to kick a football, a memory that was always going to stay with any young boy and Gareth made sure he was there. I can remember being in the back garden at home playing football alone. To my surprise, out of nowhere, Gareth suddenly turned up in shorts and football boots. He had clearly seen me from the house, failing miserably, and decided to take things in hand. He told me to aim for the back fence of the garden that was lined with a row of fir trees. If I managed to kick the ball hard enough it would fly through the trees and hit the fence to the sound of a loud bang. This was, Gareth told me, a goal. To each goal Gareth cheered enthusiastically, arms aloft. Gareth then told me that if the ball hit the branches and therefore did not make it to the fence, that the goalkeeper had saved the shot and it was not a goal. To that event, came long low boos from Gareth. We stayed out there for hours and Gareth was schooling me on technique the whole time. I felt so special. I felt loved. I remember it like it was yesterday.
(As it turns out, he wasn’t that great a coach, but I didn’t know that at the time and that is by the by.)
You cannot choose your family, yet I have been very fortunate with mine. Gareth is no longer my big brother, and although I feel cheated to not have him here, he has covered all his big brother duties and I am just sad I cannot repay him for that. I know all of my family feel the same in their own way. He defined pride for all of us as do Tory and Gus now.
It has recently become clear to me that Gareth never lost sight of the past and of his past, his friends, what was important to him, and what he needed to keep hold of, and it has been obvious for some time that he was constantly striving to improve the present. We should take a tip from that. Not Gareth’s usual tip, which was normally, “don’t eat the yellow snow? (pause) but instead “never forget the past, but move on.? Never forget my brother. But move on and live life to the full just like Gareth Kingdon did.
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